if only you knew...

i just can't be good enough can I?

Sometimes feelings go away after you see a person again after you've been thinking about them all week. Sometimes you realise that a lot of the things that you liked were just created by your imagination...
I don't think that's the case... Even just a few minutes brightened my day :)

I'm kinda nervous about next weekend now... :/ I don't know who to talk to about it.. and i don't know what to say about how i feel

i feel like you've completely taken my place and now there is no where for me to fit

*sigh* I don't know what to think. Now that its out there it seems so ... strange..
I'm not the kind of girl that a guy like you would be interested in.

Go with the flow.. thats what i've been told. I'm trying.. but imagination is a great thing. It just creates these scenarios. All the time. I find myself picturing what it would be like... and it makes me smile...

oh my gosh, what am i doing??

i hate being the only one who is growing up and going to uni, while everyone else is still acting like they're 15. I know a couple of you moved away and that's really cool, but no one here seems to realise just quite how big this is for me, and still get to just muck around, with weekend jobs and all the free time they could want. Holidays don't matter any more because they have the whole week. I'm always the one that has to be the adult

you know how to make me feel like crap don't you? Were you telling the truth last week or are you just lying to make me feel like crap on purpose?

I can't help but feel that its just part of a check list

i really have to talk to you...

i just have one question for you... deep down, somewhere inside you, do you think that there is more to life that just living and dying? Do you think that maybe there is a God?

I hate not being able to tell you. I feel like I can't tell anyone what's going on inside my own head, for fear of being judged. I'm scared I'll be ignored, or blamed for seeking attention, or complained at for not being perfect.

i'll be ok

God, give me strength

today something happened, and i instantly thought i'd tell you about it. Coz you'd laugh. It made me sad when i had to think about whether you would laugh or not... I'm just thankful that you did...

I'm prepared to makes this work, but you're gonna have to meet me halfway. I have told you what I need my friends to do, but i'm not sure you even read it... The main thing i wanted you to do, or rather stop doing, you haven't don't at all. I've grown up a heck of a lot more than you realise in the last couple of weeks. With playing mum for a week at the same time as o week, and then starting uni. My whole life is changing around me, and I don't want to loose you, I want to deal with this like grown ups and move on.

Maybe if I write it here, I will be more committed?

My Goal: is to try and pray every hour for the next two weeks.

I tried to start a few days ago but its just been so full on that I haven't been able to remember.I will try and do it before every lecture to help me get into the habit. Wish me luck.

i wanna tell you about my day :/ Its been full on but fun. I got epically lost. I wanted to laugh about it with you...

I dont want to face monday without you

I'm sorry. I won't say anything else

huh. way to throw it in my face then..

one day it won't be this hard anymore

one day

the photo's all around make me sad...

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh

..And this is where I went to school

... Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for

..We used to listen to the radio

And sing along with every song we know

...

I've heard that its easier to just forget everything and leave. But I don't want to do that. I'm going to make an effort, but you have to show me that you are as well because otherwise thats not fair