Hey,

I'm sorry I didn't say Hi tonight. I wish that I had at least smiled at you - i feel really bad..
I saw you sitting up the front next to Mrs B, that made me smile :)
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow? Or one day next week - besides thursday
I'll have to let you know how my maths exam went :S
I think that its really helping.. but I'm not sure what else there is that i can say to you that isn't what i've already said.
Maybe if i write it down? I tend to think of things to say to you AFTER we have spoken and its most annoying.
Tonight was good - today was good really. The sunshine stayed all day and i wore a summery dress - that helped - i felt really good
I laughed tonight. I had a really good time. It was a bit sad sometimes, but it was good seeing Ms F. Thats when i saw you. I know you saw me but i didn't know how to react. -I'm sorry

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most.

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

Sadness flies away on the wings of time.

Hey Beautiful,

I want to write about you today. I want to write in my book of memories about you but I can't bring myself pick up a pen - and its currently 11:07pm so I don't wanna get the words wrong and not have those memories to read in 10 years time
I've been writing about your funeral, its been nice thinking about how beautiful it was. I'm up to writing about the cemetery now - its hard but i want to do it so that i'll never forget.
We miss you at rangers. We miss your emails that you would send us hurriedly on a sunday night reminding us that we had rangers the next day. We miss the photos with you, the laughs the hugs.
I know you've been visiting people, thats awesome :) Feel free to visit me sometime. I'd love to know that you're safe - all i got was a moth outside my window haha

Come to Rangers on monday and watch us make idiots of ourselves! Georgia is planning outdoor events so who knows whats gonna happen! We're also making our time capsule - i'll be sure to put something about you in it :)

I hope you watch the fireworks tomorrow - i'll be thinking of you. One month tomorrow :/ We've had two nights at rangers without you Rach. Sorry we didnt sing taps at the cemetery - it would've been hard enough to get through it even if we had known the words! I'll never forget the last times we were all together - Gangshow 2010 and then that last goodbye at the cemetery :'(

Me and Maddi are coming to visit you on Sunday :) I'll be sure to bring tissues - and dont worry Rach, i'm looking out for her - she will be ok

Love you loads

PS i might have to buy some new tissues by then!

“On a day of burial there is no perspective -- for space itself is annihilated. Your dead friend is still a fragmentary being. The day you bury him is a day of chores and crowds, of hands false or true to be shaken, of the immediate cares of mourning. The dead friend will not really die until tomorrow, when silence is round you again. Then he will show himself complete, as he was -- to tear himself away, as he was, from the substantial you. Only then will you cry out because of him who is leaving and whom you cannot detain.”

“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”

“Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.”

Remember me when I am gone away.
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand.
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
~ Christina Rossetti

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~Moliere

"Photographs are precious memories . . . the visual evidence of place and time and relationships . . . ritual talismans for the treasure chest of the heart." ~ Robert Fulghum, in From Beginning to End

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~ Thomas Campbell

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." ~ Eskimo Legend

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~ Rossiter W. Raymond

"If I am to wear this mourning cloak, let it be made of the fabric of love, woven by the fine thread of memory." ~ Molly Fumia, in Safe Passage, Conari Press

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

For you Rach,

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Author Unknown


Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~Author Unknown


Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever



If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi


I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

I may have acted like it didn't bother me, but really I think about it all the time.

Why hello there Blog. Its been a while but I think that now is the right time to be on here.

I just wanted to say a few things but since I can't actually focus on anything except stopping the tears going into my nose...

Rachel, you were beautiful. Your smile, your laugh, your awesome ideas. That day you made us go pick up rubbish was so funny. None of us wanted to go out in the dark to pick up rubbish but you had made up your mind. We all had the best time chasing each other around in the dark, sneaking up on each other and trying to navigate our way around a school which half of us had never been to. We had sooo many bags!

I know that you will never have the big 18th that we all will, or the 21st. You won't meet the guy of your dreams, or suffer heatbreak with the rest of us. You won't fall in love with the guy who is also your best friend. You won't get married or have kids. You wont have to worry about your little girl having her heart broken or your cute little boy being beaten up by girls.
But wherever you are now Rach, you must be happy. The pain that you were in is gone now. And every single one of us are gonna make damn sure that you can see that we miss you Rach, but we're still partying - for you.

I'm gonna come up and visit you again soon but in the mean time - Rest in Peace, Beautiful

Jesus Christ I really can't stand you sometimes. Just leave it, alright? Just stop talking about how fantastically amazing everything is.

Stress:The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.

There's so much i wanna write about but I don't really know where to start.

Maybe I'll start with school. Or Finland.

There's officially 35 days until i leave!

I have an insane amount of homework and school work to catch up on.

English: We're doing creative writing at the moment. It's alright but it could be better. We're studying Schindler's List while i'm away, so i'm kinda hoping there'll be some good notes on the net that i can use - otherwise i'm gonna be kinda stuffed.

Economics: We're doing inflation at the moment and I'm pretty sure I did quite well on my practice test the other day. I think we start Government Polices next term and I really have no idea about the work :S

Computing: We're doing programming at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult, especially as the rest of the class spend their spare time programming, so know it better than the back of their hand. Apparently we're meant to be up to page 150 by the end of this weekend from the e-book. I'm up to page 46. I'm also working on PC Systems which is the topic for when I'm away. I've been working from the book Mr Curry gave me and taking notes. It's easier than trying to do the programming.

Maths: Maths is pretty good at the moment. I got excellence for stats which was awesome. We've started probability and we have our test on simulation next week I think. I'm not really sure what we're doing while I'm away but I think it might be trig. Once i remember how to do it, it shouldn't be too bad.

Chemistry: I got excellence for the quantitative analysis test the other day. It was pretty easy but I'm glad I got the E. We've just started thermo chemistry which should be easy enough once i get the hang of it. I've been withdrawn from the assessment that we're doing while I'm away (a whole day practical investigation) which is good. Miss said I don't have to worry about catching up on the work and that if I'm in class when the others are doing their assessment, I can use the time to catch up on other subjects which is great :) - or sleep!

Biology: Well I got excellence for my osmosis investigation. First time around which was awesome. I'm so pleased about that. Miss Brown was really pleased too. We started our research project about humans and an aspect of biology this week. I chose in vitro fertilisation with intracytoplasmic sperm injection (lol) or IVF with ICSI. It's pretty cool. I've also been withdrawn from the test in biology - luckily it's only a unit standard. But i still need to catch up on that work too. So as well as researching ICSI, i'm teaching myself about reproduction in plants. So far ive done ferns and mosses and asexual reproduction but i still have to do gymnosperms, angiosperms and a whole lot of others.

I''m so amazingly happy that I got those excellence credits. I now officially have twice as many as I did at the end of last year. I also have 11 more excellence credits in my sciences this year than i got last year in science (i got none last year)

It's really hard though. I'm quite tempted to just sit and cry.

At lunch today I almost cried. I think if i had kept going on about what was stressing me out, i would have. I know its kinda mean, but there's a few people out there that i just want to see me cry. Like you, person a. I wish that you could see me cry, just because i don't think you ever have, and i think you probably deserve it. And person b, if i cried in front of you, i'd just want a hug. I think i'd just want you to tell me that it's gonna be ok.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo 34 days to go now.

This weekend, i have to study chemisty, finish my biology work from today, think up something to write about for english, do some computing catch up work and do a whole pile of research for biology. I also have work on sunday. At least its only four hours.

Anyway, i better be off now. its 12.25am and Mum's gonna be home soon.

Ciao for now

Fuck You

Just shut up already, ok? No one cares and you're driving me insane

I hate to sound mean and horrible, but why is it ok for black people to be racist towards white people, but as soon as someone white says something even remotely racist about a black person, the whole town is hunting them down?

Yesterday was pretty intense.

I don't know how much more i can take of sorting other people's problems out. I don't want to be a psychiatrist. I just want to be a good mate.

I wrote some more of my story last night. I think i almost got 3 more pages :)

I'm almost at excellence for my biology investigation which is awesome. Steph asked Miss for help but she couldn't help her coz she would have already started her assessment on thurs, so Miss asked me to help her. It makes me so happy that i've proven my teacher that im good enough to teach others the work.

I know it sounds weird but its hard to explain how awesome it is.



I don't really know what else to write on here at the moment. . .

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

~We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the failings of the family. Then we expect them to educate our children. ~

Just been reading back over my blogs and i realised that i could have used today as the opportunity to "hug-a-ginga" to thank you for what you've done.

I know its kinda weird that i write about you on here but its coz you have such a massive impact on my life.

Spending all of year 9 and 10 in the acccelerate class, meant that i didnt have the chance to prove to myself and my teachers that i was just as good as everyone else in the class. Amy was always getting he best results. The popular group was always being picked to do the cool things. For one of the open days, we went to a science class room and helped the year 8s with little experiments as they came around with their parents. There was dry ice and face skeletons and other chemicals. I wanted to help out with the dry ice for the night, but no, the loud, popular people got picked to do that. i just got to supervise kids with a bendy piece of wire and a circle piece of wire which beeped if they touched and they had to follow the path of the bendy wire (like operation) . Cool huh? Not. What a load of crap.

I knew that i was better than average, but being put in that class for at least 4 hours a day, meant that i was comparing myself against people who were even smarter than me. It sucked.

When i won that prize at the NIWA science fair, i was so happy. I had finally proved to everyone that i was good too. It was short lived.

It wasn't until year 11, when the class was split up into mainstream classes again that i was finally able to realise that i actually enjoyed science. When i enjoy something, i tend to do way better in it. Having such an awesome teacher had a massive impact on the decisions i have made, but i'm glad, you know? If it wasnt for you, then god knows where i would be. This time two years ago, i wanted to be a director. how crap is that? I cant even take good photos let alone direct a whole frciken movie.

i've always wanted to be a teacher. Ever since primary school i knew thats what i wanted. What i wanted to teach has changed over the years. I wanted to be a kindy simming teacher for a while there. Just so i could help kids dive for the coloured sticks. Then mum told me that i actually needed to be a good swimmer so i scratched that idea. then i thought maybe just regular old kindy . Until i helped at my cousins kindy. Two four hour sessions was enough to drive me insane. Then i though maybe like, older primary school kids. I never thought i would want to teach secondary school kids. I mean, we're a bunch a little shits really. I admire the teachers who put up with us. But knowing how much of an influence my great teachers have had on me, it makes me want to be able to influence people like that too.

I can remember every single one of my teachers names. - except kindy. You dont have to read the list if you dont want to guys haha

Ms Oliver was my new entrants teacher,
Miss Still and Mrs McGuiness were combined teachers for both year one and two
Miss wilson was my year 3 and half of year 4 teacher
Mrs Raxworthy was my first teacher at silverstream
Ms McKay was my year 5 teacher
Mrs Maitland was my year 6 teacher
Mr webb was year 7
Miss Collins was year 8
Miss savage, mr potts (ew), ms liu, mrs cook, mis udy, mr schaefer, mr jamieson, miss hartley-smith, ms boyvich, and mr hurd for year 9
mrs joon, mrs chalmers, mr becket, mrs maiava, mr schaefer, mr curry and ms williamson for year 10
Miss Brown, ms taylor, mr wooding/mr papa, ms yurokova, mr hurd, and mr green for year 11
And now Miss Brown, mr gurney, mr potts (ew) mr green, mr curry, and miss laing

Out of my primary school teachers, i reckon miss still and mrs mcguiness were the most memorable. Mr webb and miss collins were both pretty awesome - oh crap i forgot all the other teachers from fergy- mr cosslett was awesome.
Year nine, id say miss savage and mrs cook were the best
year ten would have to be mrs maiava and mr curry (yeah yeah i know) would be the most influential
Last year would definitley be miss brown and ms taylor. Ooh better not forget mr hurd!
And this year, so far would be miss brown, ms laing and mr gurney.

I dont really know what the point of that was but it makes me feel better.

I guess what im trying to say is that, i really had no idea what i wanted to do unti i was given the chance to prove that i was good at science, and i actually enjoyed it. Getting the best results in science last year gave me the confidence to ask for extra help. I could see all the hard work miss brown was puting in and i knew that i had to show that she wasnt doing it for no reason.

I'm sure ive written this before but "teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions"

I love that feeling that you get when you explain something to someone and they understand it. It makes you feel like youve made a difference. I love it how im gaining more confidence to think outside the square, i think thats what is helping me get good results.

I know theres a few people out there who have just laughed at me when ive told them i want to be a secondary school science teacher. But I know that i can come up with easy ways to explain things to people. And different ways to explain things if they dont understand it the first time.

I just realised that one of the first people who said to me that i would do a great job, no longer has anything to do with me..

Although im quite pleased mum thinks that id make a good teacher, even if she thinks im nuts for wanting to teach at college.

Well on that note, i think im done for the night.

Screw you Amy, im way better than you. :)

And thanks to my first real pupil :) Its not my fault im short!


Night all xx

Well its been a couple of days since i've written on here.

It's been a good few days.

"the pole saved me!"

"i like things hard"

"I think jess is just in a bad mood." - "Na, miss, shes just upset coz i havent asked her to the ball yet!"

plus many others that i can't remember

I quite enjoyed writing about things from my day but i can't actually remember much else from the past few days.

Its come back again. Rangers always does this to me. I'm so stressed right now it's not even funny. Theres only 50 more days to go until i leave for Finland. Not long huh? I'd be more excited if i wasn't freaking out.

Miss B accidentaly told me to withdraw from the wrong standard :S Hopefully Ms VM won't be too shitty about it. It wasnt my fault after all.

Mr G reckons i'll be fine missing out on half of the work and i'll catch up easy enough for maths.

Ms L doesn't even know what we are doing while i'm away which is know use.

Mr P is useless so i'll just have to fluke my way through english.

I havent spoken to the other Mr G yet .. should do that tomorrow really

And as for Mr C, well he reckons i'm gonna be spending every waking moment on the net talking to the class about the work that we are doing on google apps.

This ski trip for rangers is driving me insane. Dad reckons i should just ditch the whole thing. I'm thinking maybe he's right. Maybe i'll use my trip for my special activity and just organise this as a side thing. Maybe that will take the pressure off. R just has no idea how much work i'm doing at home for school, let alone for rangers and the ski trip.

I don't know how much longer i can take this.. I just want to cry..

I'm tempted just to see how far i can push it, just to show those people who think i'm fine, that actually, i'm not.

And just so you guys know, i'm not turning into our other little friend.

But seriously, theres a few people out there who have no idea that i'm struggling to keep myself together...

Maybe if i stress out too much, it will all just go away? Pfft yeah right

Again. I had a dream about you again. Its quite scary really. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't like you like that, that would be weird. But its kind of worrying me.

OMG.. Its come back. The stress that i had at the start of the year has come back to haunt me.

I'm so confused in bio at the moment. Although eco is worse

I need to spend HOURS studying but i just don't have time. Think i will clean my room tomorrow. Maybe that way i can actually find my desk under that pile of clothes

-----------------

Dont walk away from me
Im not that kind that likes to be put down
Dont leave me standing here
Im not the kind that likes to be the clown in the rain for the world who must sing

Without you my lifes gonna be forever Tuesday morning (x2)

Im so alone inside I havent got the guts to go away
The world is wicked and Im just to weak to ever want to
Pray for the best but prepare for the rest

Without you my lifes gonna be forever Tuesday morning (x4)

Forever Tuesday

Id give up everything I owned for you
Id have a piece of nothing pie
Id wait alone here for that rendez-vous
If only I was not so lonely
If only I was not so homely
If only I was not so lost within you

Without you my lifes gonna be forever Tuesday morning
-----------------

Hast Du etwas Zeit für mich Dann singe ich ein Lied fuer Dich Von 99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Denkst Du vielleicht grad' an mich Dann singe ich ein Lied fuer Dich Von 99 Luftballons Und dass sowas von sowas kommt	You and I in a little toy shop Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got. Set them free at the break of dawn 'Til one by one, they were gone. Back at base, bugs in the software Flash the message, Something's out there. Floating in the summer sky. 99 red balloons go by.
99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Hielt man fuer UFOs aus dem All Darum schickte ein General Eine Fliegerstaffel hinterher Alarm zu geben, wenn es so war Dabei war da am Horizont Nur 99 Luftballons	99 red balloons. floating in the summer sky. Panic bells, it's red alert. There's something here from somewhere else. The war machine springs to life. Opens up one eager eye. Focusing it on the sky. Where 99 red balloons go by.
99 Duesenjaeger Jeder war ein grosser Krieger Hielten sich fuer Captain Kirk Das gab ein grosses Feuerwerk Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft Und fuehlten sich gleich angemacht Dabei schoss man am Horizont Auf 99 Luftballons	99 Decision Street. 99 ministers meet. To worry, worry, super-scurry. Call the troops out in a hurry. This is what we've waited for. This is it boys, this is war. The president is on the line As 99 red balloons go by.
99 Kriegsminister Streichholz und Benzinkanister Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute Witterten schon fette Beute Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht Mann, wer haette das gedacht Dass es einmal soweit kommt Wegen 99 Luftballons	99 Knights of the air Ride super-high-tech jet fighters Everyone's a superhero. Everyone's a Captain Kirk. With orders to identify. To clarify and classify. Scramble in the summer sky. As 99 red balloons go by.
99 Jahre Krieg Liessen keinen Platz fuer Sieger Kriegsminister gibt es nicht mehr Und auch keine Duesenflieger Heute zieh ich meine Runden Seh die Welt in Truemmern liegen Hab' nen Luftballon gefunden Denk' an Dich und lass' ihn fliegen	99 dreams I have had. In every one a red balloon. It's all over and I'm standing pretty. In this dust that was a city. If I could find a souvenier. Just to prove the world was here. And here is a red balloon I think of you and let it go.

"for the most part teachers don't teach anything, they only inspire students to teach themselves. I think having fun is the most important part of learning something"

Well said :)

we can't rewind we've gone to far ... Oh-a-aho oh,

Ugh.. Today was quite crap really.

I think i'm gonna have to start doing some intense revision...

Computing was ok. Our assessment is next week but its only a unit standard so it should be all good

Eco i kind of understood but i think im gonna fail that during exams

Bio was pretty funny but it frustrates me to be told that things just are. How can Glycolysis produce 2 ATP when it needs to ATP to produce the first two? What's the point in making two if there are already two? And where the hell do the first two come from? Teacher's response to my growing aggravation - "What came first? The chicken or the egg?"

Helpful Miss.

At least i passed my microscopes test. Three credits :)

Maths was easy. Circle graphs are great. Too bad i missed out both the merit and the excellence for my stats test. All i needed to to was explicitly state the measure of spread that i used.

Work was ok.. It was pretty busy but everything sorted itself out eventually

I got free dinner and dessert and free dessert to bring home too.

Now its Saturday...

Officially two months until i leave for Finland!

And you. Why do i keep dreaming about you? Its confusing me!

Really need to go to bed now. Its going to take me long enough to get to sleep as it is

See you see you later, its time for us to end. See you see you later, i'll be back again. Ka kete, see you later, good bye my friend

my stomach feels like a contractile vacuole ... not a good thing

Biology tutorial was epic!

Potassium Permanganate in water:
"Can you drink that, Miss?" "You try it and let me know tomorrow... No wait! I told a kid that you could drink limewater and she didn't realise i was kidding! I thought i was gonna get fired!"

I got told by both Miss Brown and Steph that i wasnt normal. Gee thanks guys. At least E***** thought i was smart!

"If your going to text at least put your phone on the desk! Its not class time anymore so its rude texting under the table!" Shot Miss

"OMG thats that thing that you showed me in maths!" "You mean THIS?" *pulls out concertina of four major cells* "Yes that!" - Teacher "Its coz shes a geek"

"Don't you remember the picture from this book that i asked you to copy?" "Ah.. maybe" "Well of course jess copied it! Shes real smart!" "Umm well actually... i dont even remember looking at that" *Look of horror crosses teachers face*

and something along the lines of "shut up Jess or i'll tell everyone about your costume!"

Definitely looking forward to tomorrow!

Eeeep!

Today's been pretty good -im knackered though.

Bio - "Chlamydomonas!" "Saccharomyces cerevisiae!" Loved the blocked nose accent and the pirate/black plague accent Miss!"
"You're not meant to be talking to me!" "Oh yeah! Sorry!"

Maths - "But... I just ...*flicks hair* .. Mr, i don't really get the um... *leans on desk* .. i just don't get it! *sigh!*" "HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He has no idea!!!!" Don't worry Mr Gurney, we'll keep an eye on her!!

Chem - "So if we have 10g of substance and the molar mass is ***, how much substance is there? "0.23grams miss!" *teacher writes grams on board* "Um, Miss, its moles." "Oh yeah!" *This then occurs another 2 times during the lesson* Aren't you meant to be teaching US, Miss? Lol

COM - Nothing that happens in this class is good enough to put on here

English - "Mr! Can we go to the computer room?" "Yeah, here's the keys. You can type up your essays and start on your closed text notes" "Sure!" Well, that would be the part where i am currently sitting writing on blogger during english. Mr, you really are not all there, are you?

Bio after school. I'm gonna try and go over some of the gas exchange in animals crap that im gonna miss.

OOOOOO only 2 months and 2 days!!

Then its the ball :)

I have my dress, i just need to hack it off at the bottom cos it was made for a 3m high person lol

Well, im gonna go now and continue reading about yeast hahaha.

Don't you just love that feeling that you get when you are doing something you know you shouldn't be but you can't help it?

I found out today that there were only two excellence's for the rocky shore assessment in all of year 12. Sam got one (of course - brainy pants lol). And i got the other :)

It makes me so amazingly happy. I know it seems small but it continues to help me prove to everyone that i can do well.

I never usually keep my new years resolutions but this one has gone down pretty well so far. I just wish i had more time.

I love time. i dont want it to go too fast. I'm loving school at the moment.

i have the best timetabling of my fav subjects

Bio, then maths, then chem.

Shame tomorrow is only chem. I'm struggling a bit with bio with this weeks topic.

*** reckons that ** will think i'm stalking her coz i ask for help

But its just me doing my best to prove to everyone - including both *** and ** that i CAN work hard

Hello world, this is me
Life should be fun for everyone

Every now and then I’m insecure
Let me show you life can be so pure
Seize the day, wear a big happy smile on your face

In every life a little rain will fall
That won’t change my attitude at all
You are you, I am me, We’ll be free

Hello world, This is me
Life should be, fun for everyone
Hello world, come and see
Life should be, fun for everyone

Life is easy if you wear a smile
Just be yourself don’t ever change your style
I like you, you like me, let’s have fun, be happy

Look into my eyes and tell me straight
For you I’ll make the whole world wait
Let me know, if it’s so, let it show

Hello world, this is me
Life should be, fun for everyone
Hello world, come and see, this is me

Come on baby, don’t be afraid
Come on baby, it’s not too late
Say you do, won’t you open up the door and let me in

Dee da dee, dee dee, yeah yeah yeah
Open up the door for me
Yeah yeah, mmm mmm yeah

Hello world, this is me
Life should be, fun for everyone
Hello world, come and see
Life should be, fun for everyone

Hello world, this is me
Life should be (life should be), fun for everyone (fun for you)
Hello world (fun for me), this is me (fun for everyone) fun for everyone

lol good times!

its a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now

The Future - its a scary thought isnt it?

Theres so many different interpretations of the future.

21st century.. wheres the hoverboards?

I dont really care about that so much.

I'd love to know what my future holds, but at the same time i dont. You know? I want to know that everything will be ok. I want to know that i'll have kids of my own who i will love to pieces. I want to know that i will find the right guy. I want to know that i'll get through uni with a degree and teaching diploma. I want to know that i'll get an awesome job with fantastic people and keep learning as well as teaching. I want to know that i'll have students who actually want to come to my classes.

But i like surprises.

"News of a possible raise could come your way today, Leo, possibly through some enterprise that you've been working on. You're feeling especially energetic, and therefore you could well be tempted to take on more than you usually would. This is fine, but remember to pace yourself. If you're going to continue on your current path, you'll need to save some energy for tomorrow and beyond!"

Well that is most helpful, thanks MSN.com - not

I don't want to know what's gonna happen in my life coz that'll make it go faster and time is going past so quickly already. Just over 2 months and i'll be on the other side of the world.

I love being at school. I know its weird but i actually hate the weekends at the momment. I love learning stuff (not eco and english but everything else). I was doing bio homework last night and dad was like "what the hell? its friday night!"

Well i think thats me for now. I'm gonna go clean the lounge before mum gets home from work

a = abiotic factors - non living factors
b = binary fission - cells splits in two
c = carbon cycle - the way CO2 and O2 exchange between plants and animals
d = diffusion - movement of particles from an area of high concentration to low concentration
e = ecological niche - the way of life of an organism in its biological community (FA-AH!)
f = food chain - group of plants and animals that are linked together through feeding relationships
g = golgi body - cell organelle which packages and modifies cells
h = habitat - where organism lives
i = isotonic - solution with the same concentration of solute as another solution
j = jess - student who attends biology
k = kingdom - first level of classification of organisms
l = lysosome - cell organelle which contains enzymes for digestion
m = mitochondria - cell organelle which uses respiration to produce energy (ATP)
n = nucleus - control centre of the cell. Contains chromosomes
o = osmosis - is the movement of water from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration through a semi-permeable membrane!
p = plasmolysis - cell membrane pulls away from cell wall as a result of water loss
q = quadrat - square in which number of organisms is counted
r = rough endoplasmic reticulum - transport path inside cell with ribosomes attached
s = succession -change in species compostion of a community over time.
t = turgid - swollen by water pressure
u = urea - fertiliser used on plants
v = vacuole - storage organelle in cells
w = water cycle - it rains, it makes puddles, we drink it, the sun shines, the water evapourates, it makes clouds, it rains again
x = xylophone?
z = zonation - horizontal distribution of organisms

I sense a theme here...

"The sugar syrup solution has 50% water. Lets say the potato has 80% water. The cells lose water and become flaccid.
In the other beaker, there is 100% water. The potato gains water and the vacuole pushes against the cell wall, making the potato turgid."
"Those words are sound weird Miss!"
"Yeah, i know. I dislike them. They could have come up with something a bit nicer," she said laughing. Then quietly so less people could hear "They sound like they're from a Viagra ad!"
"I dislike those words Miss. I dislike them with passion"
"I don't think they're the kind of word's you get passionate about!" was the reply.

Flaccid

1. Lacking firmness, resilience, or muscle tone.

2. Lacking vigor or energy:

Turgid
1. inflated, overblown, or pompous

Shortly afterwards...

"Do you guys wanna hear a funny story?" she asked.
The whole class groaned.
"No, no! It really is funny. Its Jenny Craig for men"
The class murmured in agreement.
"Alright then" She began reading from her emails.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’

Without a second thought , he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs.

As promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ‘If you catch me you can have me’.

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. As promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program ‘Are you sure?’ asks the representative on the phone. ‘This is our most rigorous program.’ ‘Absolutely,’ he replies, ‘I haven’t felt this good in years.’

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, ‘If I catch you, you're mine.’

He lost 63 pounds that week.

Bio wouldn't be the same without you Miss Brown!

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" Martin Luther King Jr

Vanessa Carlton - 1000 Miles

Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

It's always times like these
When I think of you,
And wonder if you ever think of me.

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong.
Livin' in your precious memory.

'Cause I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

I, I, don't wanna let you know
I, I, drown in your memory.
I, I, don't wanna let this go.
I, I, don't.

Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And I still need you,
And I still miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
Would pass.. us by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...

oh oh

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you.

If I could just hold you....
Tonight.

Makin' your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those nights when you've got no lights
The check is in the mail
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail
And your third fiance didn't show

Sometimes you wanna go
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
And they're always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Climbing the walls when no one calls
You've lost at love again
And the more you're down and out
The more you need a friend
When you long to hear a kind hello

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead
The morning's looking bright
And your shrink ran off to Europe
And didn't even write
And your husband wants to be a girl

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
And they're always glad you came
You wanna go where people know
People are all the same
You wanna go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

you wanna be where everybody knows your name

Am i weird? I feel weird. Do you think I'm weird? I'm feeling a bit odd at the moment. I just want to know that everything will work out.
I feel so bad for ditching you guys today but i don't think my mood would have gone down so well.

You, on the other hand. I would love to get to know you better. I know you will never read this but oh well. It's worth a shot, isn't it?

Today was awesome! Except the rain.

Bio was pretty boring coz we had to wait for the others to finish the assessment, but it was Bio so it was all good. I think K is ok now. Shes been going through a rough patch lately.
Maths was a bit of a shock. We started Parabolas but since i had a kindergarten student for a teacher last year, i didnt know very much.
Chem was easy as pie (lol). We've started pecentage and types of forumlae. Its easy. There can only be one answer - like 1+1 can only ever equal 2
Computing was a bit crap. I was away when we learnt to use the software that we needed so Mr Curry spent like 10 mins trying to explain it to me.
After that lesson i was feeling a bit blurugh so i decided to go sit with Kimberly's gang again. (sorry my group) I bumped into Miss Brown on the stairs (almost literally! The floor was really wet and i keep slipping over :( . We ended up sitting in the corridor throwing my phone against the wall.
Kerry JT were singing and Kimberly and I were in hysterics when Miss Brown walked out of the classroom. She took one look at us and said "I think i just walked into Weirdoville"
We had been trying to calm down, but at that i think some tears of laughter were shed.
In english at the moment. Took the absences before which was funny. We're in B10 (rather close to the office) and so i walked down the stairs, behind B Block by the library, up the otherside of B, and across to the office. I then did the exact same thing in reverse on my way back. I proably added an extra 5mins onto my what would have been 30second trip but i get to miss out on english.

Now instead of typing my essay and writing up a wide reading, i'm on here, keeping myself sane. I'm meeting Kimberly after this and then I'm off to pick M up from school.

Too bad i have guides tonight. I think i might try and do some revision before i go. I'm in the mood for doing extra bio work at the mo.

......


Ooosh. I fully just realised that i could use blogger to revise! JT might not like that though!

.......

Rather bored at the moment...

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. ~Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann"

The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called "truth." ~Dan Rather (lol)

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. ~Donald D. Quinn

Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. ~John F. Kennedy

A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron. ~Horace Mann

Most teachers have little control over school policy or curriculum or choice of texts or special placement of students, but most have a great deal of autonomy inside the classroom. To a degree shared by only a few other occupations, such as police work, public education rests precariously on the skill and virtue of the people at the bottom of the institutional pyramid. ~Tracy Kidder

We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the failings of the family. Then we expect them to educate our children. ~John Sculley


What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. ~Karl Menninger

Teaching should be full of ideas instead of stuffed with facts. ~Author Unknown

The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. ~Author Unknown

The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you just learned this morning. ~Author Unknown

Teaching is the only major occupation of man for which we have not yet developed tools that make an average person capable of competence and performance. In teaching we rely on the "naturals," the ones who somehow know how to teach. ~Peter Drucker

Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools. The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task. ~Haim G. Ginott

I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom. ~Author Unknown

“I've come to the frightening conclusioin that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”

Well, i had a pretty crappy day today (yesterday now by the time ive managed to finish this)

I woke up freezing - it was -3.5c outside. I caught the bus, sitting quietly, trying to warm up. Got the library and then we ended up going outside to freeze again while H and i made pictures in the ice. Was looking forward to bio -until i got there. I only managed to draw one biological drawing. I couldnt make an onion slide without air bubbles, and the potato looked like a black blob. We couldnt get the teachers attention to come and give us a hand, others were being way louder than us so we got ignored. Maths was alright. I did heaps of work so that was good. Chem was cool. We've started quantitative analysis in Chem, which is pretty easy.Computing was really slow. Our student teacher is good but he makes the simplest things last the whole lesson. English is just crap in general. We went to the computer room to type the essays we had written only no one actually does work.

After school i came home to find my bitchy neighbour at our place (shes 9) and then i had to go to Guides, which was good but exhausting. I came home at 9pm and then started packing for my tramp this weekend. I cant really be bothered going but, its N and M so yea

Babies can change everything

I had a dream last night. Again. That i was pregnant.

Its the 4th one in two weeks. Last night i had twins.

I was at the hospital and then i got the all clear to come home. They were born early so we didnt have enough clothes for them, and we were only expecting one. So mum was going through all my baby clothes trying to find things for them to wear before we headed out to the shops to stock up our supplies.

I dont really know what to think. Im not pregnant, i know that much.

I really want kids, but not just yet thanks. Not unless someone is gonna tell me how i can concentrate on getting my uni degree and teaching diploma, juggling a baby.

Im just.. So confused right now.

Come on.

Everybody’s looking for love. Oh. Oh.
Ain’t that the reason you’re at this club. Oh. Oh.
You ain’t gonna find it dancing with him. No. Oh.
I got a better solution for you girl. Oh. Oh.

Just leave with me now. Say the word and we’ll go.
I’ll be your teacher. I’ll show you the ropes.
You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known.
I can see it going down, going down.

In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy.
You’ll be screaming out.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head. Yeah. In my head. Oh yeah.

Some dudes know all the right things to say.
When it comes down to it, it’s all just game.
Instead of talking let me demonstrate. Yeah.
Get down to business and skip foreplay.

Just leave with me now. Say the word and we’ll go.
I’ll be your teacher. I’ll show you the ropes.
You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known.
I can see it going down, going down.

In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy.
You’ll be screaming out.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head.

Break it down. Ay-oh. Come on. Ay-oh. Ay-oh.
You singing to me baby in my head right now. Ay-oh. Ay-oh. Come on.
She’ll be screaming out when it all goes down.

Just leave with me now, Say the word and we’ll go. We can go.
I’ll be your teacher. I’ll show you the ropes.
You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known.
I can see it going down, going down.

In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy.
You’ll be screaming out.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head, it’s going down.

In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy.
You’ll be screaming out.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head, it’s going down.
In my head.

The best thing happened to me yesterday.

We FINALLY got our marks back for our rocky shore assessment.

Miss Brown was a bit disappointed with everyones results. There was only one excellence and no merits. Everyone else was either A or Not acheived.

I got the excellence :D :D

Not even know-it-all-amy got excellence. She was sooo grumpy when she found out that she didnt get it.

It makes me feel so amazing to be at the top of my best subject again.

To know that i went from failing my practice assessment to getting the top of the class for the real thing, shows me and my parents that i am capable of it. It shows my teacher that even though im "more vocal" than last year, i still work bloody hard. My goal, other than doing my best, was to prove to her that even though im a pain in the ass, i can still work hard.

To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching.

Isn't teaching awesome? To know that you are the one who helped that person understand?

I found a quote the other day. It went something like "

"once you've learnt something, its hard trying to remember what is was like before you learnt it -thats what makes great teachers so rare."

Thats what makes the ability to explain things so amazing. No one can explain that feeling you get when you successfully teach someone. It doesnt have to be anything massive like quantum physics or the functions of every single organelle in a cell for someone who wants to be ... a painter. Just little things. Like giving someone a hint in english as to what significance the quote has to the theme.

One of my mates said to me a few weeks ago

"Your so good at explaining things. You know when to help people and when to let them work it out for themselves. You know how much help they need when they do need help - i guess it comes with that whole teaching thing"

That is awesome. I love it when people say stuff like that. It gives me Warm Fuzzies . Haha

Mrs Nimmo used to tell us about how important warm fuzzies are.

anywho...

Nine-tenths of education is encouragement.
Anatole France

To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching. To attain it we must be able to guess what will interest: we must learn to read the childish soul as we might a piece of music. Then, by simply changing the key, we keep up the attraction anil vary the song.
Henri Frederic Amiel

The most effective teacher will always be biased,
for the chief force in teaching is confidence and enthusiasm.

Joyce Cary

Good teaching must be slow enough so that it is not confusing, and fast enough so that it is not boring.
Sidney J. Harris

“Teaching is the only major occupation of man for which we have not yet developed tools that make an average person capable of competence and performance. In teaching we rely on the "naturals," the ones who somehow know how to teach.”

teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions

Why i love bio

"Now, I know i said that i would have your results for your rocky shore assessment today, but Mr Chevis didn't go home last night so he doesn't have your papers"
*class starts giggling*
"No! Thats not what i meant...!"
"Where did he go then miss?!" "Did he spend all night at school?!"
"Um... I don't know! Oh my god" she was gradually getting redder.
"Who's house was he at, Miss!?" "How do you know?!"
"I think he stayed at his parents house!?"
The whole class began laughing even louder.
"OHMYGOD!" She put her head in her hands. "That sounds even worse!" She was trying not to laugh
"Miss, I think you should just stop talking now"
"I don't know where he went, he just told me he didnt go home last night" She finally gave in and let out a burst of laughter. "He promised he would have your papers tomorrow."

*Next day*
"I have some bad news again guys"
"Mr Chevis didnt go home again?!?!"
"No!!!!... But he's sick today so i still dont have your papers"
"Oh yeah, sure, thats just what he wants you to think"

I really do hate being sick.

I'm hungry but i dont want to eat
I'm thirsty but i don't want to drink
I'm tired but i can't sleep

I just want to go to school and hang out with my mates again.

I wish that i could spend the whole day in bio, maths and chem.
Computing, eco and english are driving me insane.
I have 3 wide readings due on friday. How many have i done? Oh yea, none. Zero, zippo, zilch

LMFAO. Gotta love the internet

The Tale of My Amazing Pilot Crush
- A Ballad

It began on a tiny Friday afternoon:
I was the most admirable teacher around,
He was the most amazing pilot.

He was my crush,
My amazing crush,
My pilot.

We used to smile so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to giggle together, around the world,
We wanted it all.

But one afternoon, one tiny afternoon,
We decided to giggle too much.
Together we hugged a boyfriend.
It was yummy, so yummy.

From that moment our relationship changed.
He grew so crazy.

And then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

He fed an elephant.
Alas, an elephant!
My crush fed an elephant.
It was amazing, so amazing.

The next day I thought my lips had broken,
I thought my hair had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)

But still, he is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that afternoon,
That tiny Friday afternoon.

My hair... ouch!
When I think of that amazing pilot,
That amazing pilot and me.

I just can't wait to be king!

I know how stupid it seems, but i can't wait until i get to where i'm going. The journey so far has been amazing but i can't wait until i have my science degree and my teaching diploma so that i can prove to everyone that im just as good as them.

Thank you so much for all your support. You have had such a huge influence on my decisions. You have made me realise what i want to do with my life. I know i can be a pain in the ass but i just want to prove to everyone that i can do well. I know that you can see my potential (i hope) and i thank you for helping me get to where im going. I just want to give you the hugest hug to show you how much your support and ability to connect with me means to me but maybe thats not the best idea.

I would live to know what my life is going to be like in 5 years time. Just a quick 10 second snapshot to give me a bit of peace of mind.

Nothing else compares

Why is i that i have to work so hard for you to be happy? No one else cares that i didnt get an excellence. They were all just pleased that i got the highest mark in my class which was my plan.

It is so fricken hard to try and be as good as amy and so far ive managed to not only get an excellence in chemisty but a merit in bio which was higher than her.

But no.. Its not good enough. I barely even got a congratulations. All you said to me was "oh so you dont know what you got after you resubmitted it?"

Now youre in a shit coz i didnt take chocolate to school. Well i thought you would be happy knowing that i risked being late to bio (not the best class to be late to, if you knew Miss Brown, which you dont coz your in too much of a shit and i dont really want you coming to my interviews) to come and get the chocolates off you. I then spent the entire afternoon trying madly to sell the fucking things so that you'd be pleased and maybe you wouldnt scream at me when i got home. But no. Even though there was only like 4 peanut slabs and 4 bars of chocolate left, you stil barely said anything.

And its not my fault that laura is so crap and returning her fucking money!!!!! Its pissing me off as much as its pissing you off. I know we need money! Im not stupid. I have actually noticed that theres no food for me to eat this week. But if laura not giving her money in is annoying you so much, why dont you go and get it yourself? You know where she lives now.

why dont you just try and ask me how im feeling? I wish you and dad would stop fighting. You have no idea how hard it is for me to sit there and listen to yelling and swearing.

Leave no stone unturned and leave your fears behind

Urgh, That really annoys me.. I worked so hard on that report and i failed it. It doesnt really give me much confidence for the actual thing which has to be done on thursday.

Everything is moving so fast.. Year 11 was easy. Things just were..

Does a title really matter?

School: an institution where instruction is given, esp. to persons under college age
or
They force you to do useless work while they also expect you to put up with peer pressure,your home life and social life. A place where young, innocent, defencless children are kept prisoner and forced to learn useless stuff like algebra that won't count for fuck when they're old enough to get employed....

Thats more like it.

At the moment anyway...

I usually look forward to school. It gets me out of the house. I get to see my friends. I love learning new things (so long as i can see a point).

Today i just felt like crap all day. Chem was average. Everything else just made me want to cry.

I have such a massive amount of homework that i barely have time to breathe. On top of that, i have work and duke of ed and now i have been voted unit secretary.... GRRRRRR

The rest of my week will consist of : Homework, school. Thursday - school, homework... Friday.. school, work.. Saturday and sunday - pointless tramp where there isnt even a fricken track to follow.

Oooh and then guess what? I have school and homework on monday again! I havent had a weekend in weeks. As much as i love bio and chem, i would love them even more if they just slowed down a little bit.

Sunshine a. The light or the direct rays from the sun. b. The warmth given by the sun's rays. c. A location or surface on which the sun's rays fall

Isn't it amazing how people interpret things in different ways?

All i wanted to do was help you but you wouldnt let me in. I dont know how i can help you anymore because i dont know what is the truth and what isnt. You tell us what's happening in your life but things dont add up sometimes. If you talked to us more and let me help then maybe i would be able to trust you more.

Trust..

Thats the key to everything isnt it?

If you hate me because i told Miss Brown, i dont care. I trust her and i know you do too - at least we have that in common. I knew that she would try and understand and would try and help you too.

i know you dont want help but thats just who i am. I love knowing that i have made a difference in someone else's life. It's an amazing feeling to know that you have helped someone change for the better

Awesome Song :)

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A fox trot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball that's just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seems

Oh what a world it would be...

Sometimes i wish that i just didn't care. I wish that i didnt care about how people felt. I wish that i could just get on with life without having to worry about what you would think. Its so hard for me to ignore it.

Victoria you drive me insane. The way you take over all the time and treat me like a five year old. It's not your responsibility to make sure that i am doing what i should be. I know exactly what i need to do to get to where i need to be. I dont need you waltzing in and taking over. You say you have other commitments but when you come back you just assume that i am doing everything wrong an start to take over again.

And as for you: where are you? You've changed so much and yet so little.