" And I remember more than ever, we didn’t have to fight to be together. We use to hang around grooving to a different sound but things have changed"

Why can't we just change with them? We don't have to be the same. But we can grow with the change

really could do with having mum here right now. I want a hug goodnight before i go to bed, telling me that it'll be ok. Instead i get to clean the kitchen and yell and the cat and try and clean my room before setting my alarm for 7 am to do it all over again

I don't know what to say any more. I've yelled before. I cried today. I want to be able to have an opinion without being shot down. More than anything I just want it to be understood how that made me feel

It just suddenly hit me. Next week I properly start uni. I have lectures everyday except wednesday. 3 Hours of my day is spent commuting to and from uni. An hour of that is walking up/down a hill. I have an essay to write due in 5 weeks about what Homo florensienis is. I barely know anyone at uni and i've just remembered how scary making new friends is. I'm so nervous its insane. It has finally hit me. All the information and powerpoints for the lectures are pretty much already online. Its suddenly become real and its kinda freaking me out. I keep getting lost but i'm slowly working it out. I need to buy a lab coat. Either $55 from uni, or one off trademe. I think option b is probably going to work out better

I just want you to know how much that hurt, and for you to apologise for going about it the way that you did.

i care more than you will ever know. But right now i'm struggling to see how we got this far

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

i feel strange..

Question: I am confused. There seems to be some contradictory data. I felt that You were saying that sometimes the best help we can give people is to leave them alone. Then I felt You were saying, never fail to help someone if you see that person needs help. These two statements seem to be at odds...

Answer: Let Me clarify your thinking on this.

Never offer the kind of help that disempowers. Never insist on offering the help you think is needed. Let the person or people in need know all that you have to give- then listen to what they want; see what they are ready to receive.

Offer the help that is wanted. Often, the person or people will say, or exhibit by their behaviour, that they just want to be left alone. Despite what you think, leaving them alone might be the Highest Gift you can then offer.

If, at a later time, something else is wanted or desired, you will be caused to notice if it is yours to give. If it is, then give it.

I wanted to share this with you, but I'm nervous about starting that conversation after the events of the past week. I wanted to say, that once again, after so long, I have found myself thinking that maybe God does care. That's a bit hard to come to terms with on my own

I'm biting my tongue so hard its bleeding

So God, it looks like we meet again...
Thank you for the courage to ask for a pay rise. For the first time, I actually felt like you weren't leaving me out on my own. Made a nice end to the day after being told to F off by my boss...

Please help me. I don't know how much longer I can do this on my own. I hate being her. I hate snapping at my friends. I hate feeling like things are a million times worse than they actually are. I hate crying over stupid things. I never used to be like this. I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to talk half as much as I listen and not risk ruining something if I'm honest about my feelings. I have a gift to listen. I get that. I just wish that I could talk without saying the wrong thing. Or that I could talk to my best friends without them criticising my honest opinion.
I don't want to lose my friends because of this, God. I've already come so close, so many times. I can't lose them.
I can' do this without you, but i don't know how to find you.

I'm sorry that I keep stuffing things up. Please help me to know what to do

Amen

So, I don't trust you because you went and announced my problems to the world. But they don't trust me. They believed you over me. There was no second guessing what you said because you are so "amazing and truthful". But they didn't trust me. Not until they'd had a go and got grumpy.

Yeah, if there is a problem we deal with it together, but you did the same thing by believing him without even approaching me until late the next night

It takes a lot for a person to gain my trust. There aren't very many people out there who I can pour my heart out to, but these past few weeks you have been one of them. I found the guts to ask you to pray for me, I told you what was going on in my head, I pretty much told you about my fears of depression. I told you how angry I am at myself, how upset I am at myself. How I'm selfish for being jealous. How I feel like I can't tell my friends about my problems because I want to make sure they are ok first. How much that frustrates me. Among many other things! But NOWHERE in there did it say "i feel like an outcast". And NOWHERE in there did it say "hey go ahead and tell my best friends something that you THINK i meant". You are NOT a counsellor yet. I don't care how good you are at listening and "giving advice". You cannot figure out what you think i mean through TEXT messages for goodness sake! I trusted you

You don't need no friends
get back your faith again
you have the power to believe
another dissident
take back your evidence
it has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it, for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night
everything they say is right
but in the morning they were wrong
I'll be right by your side
come hell or water high
down any road you choose to roam

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeah

darling, I believe, Oh Lord
sometimes it's hard to breathe, Lord
at the bottom of the sea, yeah yeah

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I don't need no one
Ohhhh
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
To tell me about heaven
I believe
I believe it, yeah

I hate my eyes so much right now... that is all

Where are You God?

I asked for strength to get through everything but instead of getting better, instead of even staying the same, i'm getting more stressed. Not even stressed, just sad. I think I'd rather be stressed than sad. At least then i can explain it. I can't explain bursting into tears as soon as I turned the car back on last night. Or crying in the car on the way out tonight, or on the way home. For once I want to cry and have someone hold me for as long as I need to cry. But something inside me has to make sure that everyone else is ok before I let on that I'm not ok. I want to be able to be the one who blurts it all out. But I can't stop putting everyone else first. Its what I do. I know that God has given me this wonderful gift of listening and being there for my friends when they need me, but surely the other side of that is that I have enough strength to get help when I need it? I can't keep living my life by making sure other people are ok. I want to be able to make myself ok.

Memories

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

feels like me sometimes

I thought I had done everything I could. Turns out I was wrong. I've never done something like that, and it was an honour and a privilege to be able to. I don't know if I said the right things, I hope that I did. I barely had 3 words out and I was nearly joining you in the tears. It makes me so sad to see you so stressed and confused. It makes me sad to see you cry, but knowing that I can be there for you makes me feel like I'm the richest person on earth

“It’s hard being left behind. It’s hard to be the one who stays.”

“All friendships have ups & downs &, for whatever reason, girls can be incredibly bitchy to one another for no apparent reason. But when you’ve got great friends these little spats will last for maybe a day. Not weeks. Not months. & then you’ll make up & want to get together again to plot a way for that hottie who catches your bus to finally notice you.”

I don't know what's wrong but I can't do anything if you don't tell me. If you don't want to tell me that's fine, but please don't go all defensive if I try and help. You asked how I was earlier but things like that just become routine sometimes. Would you have noticed if I had said I was feeling crap? I put aside my crap feelings to see if you're ok, and i know that's not something everyone can do so easily, but it feels like you don't even notice sometimes.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be moaning. I'm not annoyed, or angry. I'm just upset.

I hope you'll treat me the same....

I know its not a complete fake smile anymore, but it still makes me kinda sad. I wish you could see that

"You'll never know that God is all you need, until God is all you've got"