I'm going to miss you :(

That is all

I think I need a hug :(

i'm glad i could help today

i'm glad you're able to tell me things still

and it means a lot to me that you needed me

made my day :)

• Jess

  • that kinda sucks
    but yeah they make each other happy and i guess thats whats important.I'm used to being second

• 
  

  51 minutes ago

  James

  • Well you shouldn't. You're a beautiful and amazing person. Exceedingly special, to be perfectly honest.

The thing that makes the most sense that i have read all week

"Here you go, Sebastian," I say, when I've filled out the

guest pass and handed it to him. "Knock yourself out".

Sebastian looks down at the pass. "Wow," he says. For a

minute, he looks a lot less like a suspected killer and the

leader of a student revolution than just a scared kid who

got into something that's way over his head. "Thanks a lot,

Heather, You have no idea how much this means to me. I

mean, I know Sarah told you about my roommate situation,

and my parents got me a hotel room, but... Its nice for me

to be able to stay with Sarah. She... she means a lot. I just

didn't realise how much until recently."

Embarrassed, Sarah looks down at the pointed toes of her

high heels, blushing prettily seemingly unaware of

Sebastian's gaze on her. I am torn between wanting to hurl

and wanting to throw my arms around them. They're just

so... cute.

And I realise I'm feeling something else, a third thing. Envy.

I want that. What they have.

I thought I had it. Sort of. But fortunately, I realised in

time that I didn't. Not that I was in any real danger of doing

anything foolish about it, like getting married, or hiking the

Appalachian Trial for the summer.

Still. I'd like what the two of them have. Someday.

~ Size Doesn't Matter by Meg Cabot

lonliness

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
its the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I drive on her streets cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills and she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that is a lie

I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way, yea yea yea

It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love the city, she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

And I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
And I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way yea yea ye-yea
Oh no no no
Yea ye-yea
Love me I say yea ye-yea

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I Gave my life away
Yeah yeah ye-yeah
Oh no no no
Yeah ye-yeah
Oh no no
I said yea ye-yea
I’ll stay

Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu

This is the week that will prove it all.
I've had no weekend to sleep
I've got to work my ass off to catch up on school work
I've got to go to rangers tonight to make an appearance.
I've got to go to guides on thursday
I've got to make the most of my last 5 days with you
I've also got to get through my last 5 days with you
I've got to smile to keep everyone happy
I've got to get through Tuesday afternoon,
a second attempt at the hardest thing in my life right now
I've got to get through friday.

One year on friday
I want to buy flowers for you
Gerberas I think.
The same as a year ago.
Another reason why I need to go to rangers tonight
coz there wont be any on monday next week

I want to smile again,
Properly
without wanting to cry inside.

You will always be my best friend, ok? Don't ever forget that. Yeah I have my Fatties to but we have our ups and downs as well. You're my creepily identical twin and when I'm freaking out or crying, half of the time its you i think of to text. I know you aren't always full of advice, but sometimes I dont need advice, I just need someone to talk to to tell me that its all good and it'll be ok. No matter what happens, i'll get through it. Someone to make me laugh and remember the good times. The last few months have been pretty tough on all of us. You especially, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you but I just couldn't be. The thing is, I was always in the wings waiting for you to come back. You just couldn't seem to see that. I tried to talk to you. I didn't want to shove my advice down your throat because I knew you'd hate that and it would just make things worse. But I sat and watched as you got hurt and there wasn't anything I knew how to do except wait and help you when you came but. But it hurt me when after a week it felt like everything good I had said all come unraveled and I thought it was going to be a complete repeat of history. It wasn't entirely and I could see that you were happier with him but I could also see that he was turning out not to be the guy you fell in love with. I sat around last time and said nothing and this time i wasn't gonna do it again.

I've had a pretty up and down year but I'm attempting to do something about that. Something about the giant rollercoaster ride in my head that makes me want to cry every day.

I know you don't want to take sides over me and your other twin, but i'm not asking you to. I just wanted you to listen. Its not even the fact that he was the one guy I thought i was actually gonna have half a chance with. He was so kind and caring and sweet. Before I left for Finland he gave me a big hug and then when I came back and I walked into E12 at lunch he ran over yelling out "We missed you!" and i got another hug. I thought he was the one guy i was actually gonna have a high school relationship with. But now he's pretty much with one of my best friends. And that sucks. But the bigger thing is that I don't want to see her hurt - like i didn't want to see you hurt. And yeah i'm jealous, who wouldn't be? Watching as your best friend suddenly falls for the friend you've known the longest? Being the one who didn't get the guy, again? Not being able to spend "traditional" moments with your best friend half the time? It would happen if it was any guy. I didn't think it would happen like this but I should have known. She's pretty and sporty and funny and skinny. Who would rather me over her?

You ARE still one of my best friends. You have to remember that. And you have to remember how much I'm going to miss you when you go away because London isn't exactly close

On this day in 2010, you went into hospital.

We didn't know about it straight away

But when we did find out

We knew what had happened

A week of pain was to follow

For everyone, but especially for you

We miss your smile Rach x

I'm sorry that you saw that
I never planned for you to see it,
nor did i ever plan for it to hurt you..
I can't comprehend to you how much I wish we could just get on with life
without having to worry about anything
without getting upset
without freaking out
without being jealous

Its like dejavu.. I started liking him

then i went overseas

when i came back things started getting more intense

then it stopped

I hope you're happy

You got what i wanted

you got him

you got him asking you to the movies

texting you

flirting with you

caring about you

You always wanted to know why i liked him in the first place,

and now you know

he's a decent guy

who actually cares

just not about me

he cares about the pretty one instead

the athlete

the one who is passing

the one who's off representing her country

the one who doesnt have mental issues

the one who isn't insecure

I'm sick of being sick

I want you to make an effort to contact me during the week

I have facebook too you know

I never get sick

But the one time i do you dont seem to want to make an effort to see if i'm alright

so i feel crap
my voice is gone 90% of the time
my throat hurts
i dont want to load up on drugs coz i only have 2 cold tablets left
i have 2 shifts at work this weekend,
plus i need to study
tomorrow will be at least 3 hours
maybe 6
sunday will be 9 hours
i have to go
i need the money
i'm filling in for someone else
but i feel like crap


what to do what to do

oh well thanks.

you obviously care a lot about me

do you not think that it might be nice to repay the favour to me sometime?

gonna be an Almost aunty but technically cousin!!! yay!!!!!

i wish i had someone to hold me
to tell me it will all be ok

to text me goodnight

and tell me that he loves me

Does that really happen or is it just a fairytale?

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

you know, sometimes you never seem to fail to make me feel like i'm not worth it

Who wouldn't feel sorry for him?

argh

It used to be so easy

but now look at me

September 11

Ten years to the day

Rest in Peace

A real friend is someone who would feel loss if you jumped on a train, or in front of one. ~Author Unknown

sometimes i wonder if you'd care if i was in hospital

I know thats awful considering everthing

But its the truth, and you wanted us to be honest

So thats that

So i removed you completely,

I'm not going to sit and stare at a black name standing out in the middle of all the others

It just makes it worse

I'm your sister

read your status

take note

talk to me

i miss you

A Chemistry Problem

So to start off with there was:

[K] = [J] = [S]

When the three are reacted together they form

3Fs

And they were very stable when they were in the neutral solution

called UhWel

But then someone came along and decided to see what would happen if

D was added

3Fs was fine for a while in with this new species in the solution

But soon the 3 original species started spliting up and reacting differently

Two of the species increased in size and became [K]=[J]

Another reaction happened and species increased and became [S] = [J]

But more time went by and [K] = [S] Became so big that it took over evertyhing

Causing [K] = [J] to become more of a [k] < [J] thing

which then lead to [S] = [J] being more of a [S] < [J] thing

But [J] wasn't very stable anymore

So [J] started becoming [J]

But [K] = [S] was so big that the solution manged to be stable with increasingly less amounts of [J]

Cut off

I dont think i've ever felt more alone all year.

I can't do this by myself anymore

I nearly deactivated my facebook account just now

I hope that one day you'll understand

but i doubt that you will

I think I'm going to cry

To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching. - Revisited

I just found this: i'd forgotten what it was like, being passionate about something, so in love with something that it made the world go round. Maybe it's time to find that person again? I'm just not sure how

http://lemondrops-and-gumdrops.blogspot.com/2010/04/to-know-how-to-suggest-is-great-art-of.html

Happy 100th Post

So many words

I know that its only facebook family but you removed me as your sister :( That hurts. I thought we were ok?

Your mum really know how to walk in at the right time, doesn't she? If she'd left it another ten minutes before she came home to get changed, or even come home ten minutes earlier, then I might have been able to finish the conversation we'd started in Maccas. The conversation that i've wanted to have for weeks, about everything thats going on inside my head. But instead we, yet again, work around your mum

hey you, yes you. I know you're reading this.

Sometimes its just not worth the pain. Holding on for just that little bit longer just prolongs the agony.

Some people just feel they need to keep building their giant castle around you and them, so you can see the beauty.

But the truth is, some castles are made of sand. And one day it might rain, or the wind might blow or a wave might wash it all away.

Girls love castles. Every girl wants to be a princess.

But sometimes the prince might be in a modest little house, with nice painted walls and comfy furniture.

From the inside you would have no idea that it wasn't a giant castle because its so amazing.

Unlike this modest little house, the giant castle of sand might just have a few broken shells inside, that you cant see until you're in the middle and the walls slowly start melting away when it rains.

Don't spend to long in the sand castle. We've all built them on the beach and tried to dig the tunnel through the middle right? And you make the tunnel bigger and bigger.. Then the wave comes. And you hope it'll just fill the moat, but it washes right under the tunnel through the middle of your castle. Just as that all slowly drains away, the weakened structure is hit by yet another giant wave. And you hold your breath but there's no point. The tunnel collapses taking half of the castle with it. Buried in sand is not usually a good look. generally you cant breathe

I feel very philosophical right now...