I hate my eyes so much right now... that is all

Where are You God?

I asked for strength to get through everything but instead of getting better, instead of even staying the same, i'm getting more stressed. Not even stressed, just sad. I think I'd rather be stressed than sad. At least then i can explain it. I can't explain bursting into tears as soon as I turned the car back on last night. Or crying in the car on the way out tonight, or on the way home. For once I want to cry and have someone hold me for as long as I need to cry. But something inside me has to make sure that everyone else is ok before I let on that I'm not ok. I want to be able to be the one who blurts it all out. But I can't stop putting everyone else first. Its what I do. I know that God has given me this wonderful gift of listening and being there for my friends when they need me, but surely the other side of that is that I have enough strength to get help when I need it? I can't keep living my life by making sure other people are ok. I want to be able to make myself ok.

Memories

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

feels like me sometimes

I thought I had done everything I could. Turns out I was wrong. I've never done something like that, and it was an honour and a privilege to be able to. I don't know if I said the right things, I hope that I did. I barely had 3 words out and I was nearly joining you in the tears. It makes me so sad to see you so stressed and confused. It makes me sad to see you cry, but knowing that I can be there for you makes me feel like I'm the richest person on earth