here i am

Why do i get jealous? It sucks. I cant stand it. It changes my whole mood and I hate that. I hate that it makes me annoyed and upset

I hate when you're too busy to text me all day when you told me before you'd help keep me sane
I hate it that I replied to your text telling you i'd been sick and you replied well over half an hour later. I wanted a hug, someone to tell me it'd be ok. If it was you, i would have offered to ring, or invited you over. But no.

And so here i am, wondering why I'm jealous and trying to work out how to make myself stop. You are great at all your sport, you can carry a conversation with guys, you're pretty. You take the fact your parents spend money on you for granted.

I try to think about how lucky I am to have things

but then i remember the ball

a date $priceless
shoes $100
dress $160
hair $120
makeup $30
bag $50
ticket $100
his ticket $100
---
dress $16
ticket $100
---

and you still dont understand why I can't stand it