Jesus Christ I really can't stand you sometimes. Just leave it, alright? Just stop talking about how fantastically amazing everything is.

Stress:The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.

There's so much i wanna write about but I don't really know where to start.

Maybe I'll start with school. Or Finland.

There's officially 35 days until i leave!

I have an insane amount of homework and school work to catch up on.

English: We're doing creative writing at the moment. It's alright but it could be better. We're studying Schindler's List while i'm away, so i'm kinda hoping there'll be some good notes on the net that i can use - otherwise i'm gonna be kinda stuffed.

Economics: We're doing inflation at the moment and I'm pretty sure I did quite well on my practice test the other day. I think we start Government Polices next term and I really have no idea about the work :S

Computing: We're doing programming at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult, especially as the rest of the class spend their spare time programming, so know it better than the back of their hand. Apparently we're meant to be up to page 150 by the end of this weekend from the e-book. I'm up to page 46. I'm also working on PC Systems which is the topic for when I'm away. I've been working from the book Mr Curry gave me and taking notes. It's easier than trying to do the programming.

Maths: Maths is pretty good at the moment. I got excellence for stats which was awesome. We've started probability and we have our test on simulation next week I think. I'm not really sure what we're doing while I'm away but I think it might be trig. Once i remember how to do it, it shouldn't be too bad.

Chemistry: I got excellence for the quantitative analysis test the other day. It was pretty easy but I'm glad I got the E. We've just started thermo chemistry which should be easy enough once i get the hang of it. I've been withdrawn from the assessment that we're doing while I'm away (a whole day practical investigation) which is good. Miss said I don't have to worry about catching up on the work and that if I'm in class when the others are doing their assessment, I can use the time to catch up on other subjects which is great :) - or sleep!

Biology: Well I got excellence for my osmosis investigation. First time around which was awesome. I'm so pleased about that. Miss Brown was really pleased too. We started our research project about humans and an aspect of biology this week. I chose in vitro fertilisation with intracytoplasmic sperm injection (lol) or IVF with ICSI. It's pretty cool. I've also been withdrawn from the test in biology - luckily it's only a unit standard. But i still need to catch up on that work too. So as well as researching ICSI, i'm teaching myself about reproduction in plants. So far ive done ferns and mosses and asexual reproduction but i still have to do gymnosperms, angiosperms and a whole lot of others.

I''m so amazingly happy that I got those excellence credits. I now officially have twice as many as I did at the end of last year. I also have 11 more excellence credits in my sciences this year than i got last year in science (i got none last year)

It's really hard though. I'm quite tempted to just sit and cry.

At lunch today I almost cried. I think if i had kept going on about what was stressing me out, i would have. I know its kinda mean, but there's a few people out there that i just want to see me cry. Like you, person a. I wish that you could see me cry, just because i don't think you ever have, and i think you probably deserve it. And person b, if i cried in front of you, i'd just want a hug. I think i'd just want you to tell me that it's gonna be ok.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo 34 days to go now.

This weekend, i have to study chemisty, finish my biology work from today, think up something to write about for english, do some computing catch up work and do a whole pile of research for biology. I also have work on sunday. At least its only four hours.

Anyway, i better be off now. its 12.25am and Mum's gonna be home soon.

Ciao for now

Fuck You

Just shut up already, ok? No one cares and you're driving me insane

I hate to sound mean and horrible, but why is it ok for black people to be racist towards white people, but as soon as someone white says something even remotely racist about a black person, the whole town is hunting them down?

Yesterday was pretty intense.

I don't know how much more i can take of sorting other people's problems out. I don't want to be a psychiatrist. I just want to be a good mate.

I wrote some more of my story last night. I think i almost got 3 more pages :)

I'm almost at excellence for my biology investigation which is awesome. Steph asked Miss for help but she couldn't help her coz she would have already started her assessment on thurs, so Miss asked me to help her. It makes me so happy that i've proven my teacher that im good enough to teach others the work.

I know it sounds weird but its hard to explain how awesome it is.



I don't really know what else to write on here at the moment. . .

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

~We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the failings of the family. Then we expect them to educate our children. ~

Just been reading back over my blogs and i realised that i could have used today as the opportunity to "hug-a-ginga" to thank you for what you've done.

I know its kinda weird that i write about you on here but its coz you have such a massive impact on my life.

Spending all of year 9 and 10 in the acccelerate class, meant that i didnt have the chance to prove to myself and my teachers that i was just as good as everyone else in the class. Amy was always getting he best results. The popular group was always being picked to do the cool things. For one of the open days, we went to a science class room and helped the year 8s with little experiments as they came around with their parents. There was dry ice and face skeletons and other chemicals. I wanted to help out with the dry ice for the night, but no, the loud, popular people got picked to do that. i just got to supervise kids with a bendy piece of wire and a circle piece of wire which beeped if they touched and they had to follow the path of the bendy wire (like operation) . Cool huh? Not. What a load of crap.

I knew that i was better than average, but being put in that class for at least 4 hours a day, meant that i was comparing myself against people who were even smarter than me. It sucked.

When i won that prize at the NIWA science fair, i was so happy. I had finally proved to everyone that i was good too. It was short lived.

It wasn't until year 11, when the class was split up into mainstream classes again that i was finally able to realise that i actually enjoyed science. When i enjoy something, i tend to do way better in it. Having such an awesome teacher had a massive impact on the decisions i have made, but i'm glad, you know? If it wasnt for you, then god knows where i would be. This time two years ago, i wanted to be a director. how crap is that? I cant even take good photos let alone direct a whole frciken movie.

i've always wanted to be a teacher. Ever since primary school i knew thats what i wanted. What i wanted to teach has changed over the years. I wanted to be a kindy simming teacher for a while there. Just so i could help kids dive for the coloured sticks. Then mum told me that i actually needed to be a good swimmer so i scratched that idea. then i thought maybe just regular old kindy . Until i helped at my cousins kindy. Two four hour sessions was enough to drive me insane. Then i though maybe like, older primary school kids. I never thought i would want to teach secondary school kids. I mean, we're a bunch a little shits really. I admire the teachers who put up with us. But knowing how much of an influence my great teachers have had on me, it makes me want to be able to influence people like that too.

I can remember every single one of my teachers names. - except kindy. You dont have to read the list if you dont want to guys haha

Ms Oliver was my new entrants teacher,
Miss Still and Mrs McGuiness were combined teachers for both year one and two
Miss wilson was my year 3 and half of year 4 teacher
Mrs Raxworthy was my first teacher at silverstream
Ms McKay was my year 5 teacher
Mrs Maitland was my year 6 teacher
Mr webb was year 7
Miss Collins was year 8
Miss savage, mr potts (ew), ms liu, mrs cook, mis udy, mr schaefer, mr jamieson, miss hartley-smith, ms boyvich, and mr hurd for year 9
mrs joon, mrs chalmers, mr becket, mrs maiava, mr schaefer, mr curry and ms williamson for year 10
Miss Brown, ms taylor, mr wooding/mr papa, ms yurokova, mr hurd, and mr green for year 11
And now Miss Brown, mr gurney, mr potts (ew) mr green, mr curry, and miss laing

Out of my primary school teachers, i reckon miss still and mrs mcguiness were the most memorable. Mr webb and miss collins were both pretty awesome - oh crap i forgot all the other teachers from fergy- mr cosslett was awesome.
Year nine, id say miss savage and mrs cook were the best
year ten would have to be mrs maiava and mr curry (yeah yeah i know) would be the most influential
Last year would definitley be miss brown and ms taylor. Ooh better not forget mr hurd!
And this year, so far would be miss brown, ms laing and mr gurney.

I dont really know what the point of that was but it makes me feel better.

I guess what im trying to say is that, i really had no idea what i wanted to do unti i was given the chance to prove that i was good at science, and i actually enjoyed it. Getting the best results in science last year gave me the confidence to ask for extra help. I could see all the hard work miss brown was puting in and i knew that i had to show that she wasnt doing it for no reason.

I'm sure ive written this before but "teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions"

I love that feeling that you get when you explain something to someone and they understand it. It makes you feel like youve made a difference. I love it how im gaining more confidence to think outside the square, i think thats what is helping me get good results.

I know theres a few people out there who have just laughed at me when ive told them i want to be a secondary school science teacher. But I know that i can come up with easy ways to explain things to people. And different ways to explain things if they dont understand it the first time.

I just realised that one of the first people who said to me that i would do a great job, no longer has anything to do with me..

Although im quite pleased mum thinks that id make a good teacher, even if she thinks im nuts for wanting to teach at college.

Well on that note, i think im done for the night.

Screw you Amy, im way better than you. :)

And thanks to my first real pupil :) Its not my fault im short!


Night all xx

Well its been a couple of days since i've written on here.

It's been a good few days.

"the pole saved me!"

"i like things hard"

"I think jess is just in a bad mood." - "Na, miss, shes just upset coz i havent asked her to the ball yet!"

plus many others that i can't remember

I quite enjoyed writing about things from my day but i can't actually remember much else from the past few days.