I don't like being scared :(

I know you've changed
We both have
But you're my best friend
And that (I hope) will never change

I know i'm emotional
I know i'm a bit of a head case
I know my breakdowns are hard to deal with

I understand more than I think you want to believe
More than you give me credit for

I'm not entirely stupid or oblivious



I got upset about Saturday because you were at Cherie's for her 18th
Isnt that nice that she was able to spend time with her best friends
on an important day?
You weren't there for mine
All i got was 8 word comment on facebook.
Yes i know you planned to come down,
But the reality is, you didnt
and it sucks more than anything else in the world

Put on a brave face

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadnessand and I have to sit down for a while
the feeling that I'm losing her forever
and without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
that funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it slipping through my fingers all the time
do I really see what's in her mind
each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing
slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
barely awake I let precious time go by
then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling
and a sense of guilt I can't deny
what happened to the wonderful adventures
the places I had planned for us to go
well, some of that we did, but most we didn't
and why, I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it slipping through my fingers all the time
do I really see what's in her mind
each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing slipping through my fingers all the time
sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
and save it from the funny tricks of time(slipping through my fingers)

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

And so here I sit, crying and I'm torn between wanting to stop and wanting to cry forever until someone notices.

Until you notice.

I dont know that you understand exactly how much talking to you makes everything crap in the world go away

Not in a creepy way, just in the fact that you're my OMP (remember that?) and you know more about me than anyone.

But tomorrow I'll put on a brave face,

and go to school,

attempt to study,

eat in form class,

text and facebook under the desk in english while half paying attention,

quietly at interval freaking out about 3rd period,

get my chem results and either cry or not,

sit in stats attempting to do work,

sit through lunch wishing i had more food

and then it'll be calc where hopefully i'll be pleasantly surprised with my results from my test but knowing my luck probably not.

Then attempt to remember all the crap from integration last year.

Maybe she'll notice i'm faking it,

maybe she'll see the pain in my eyes and give me a hug like the ones i give her when i can see she's not ok

but probably not.

she'll probably just ignore it, not wanting to have her day ruined

So i'll put on my brave face once more

Oi You

if you've stuffed her up in any way whatsoever, i'm gonna kick your ass

i've never been so scared in my life. I dont want to lose you, do you not realise how much it means to me, having you in my life?

You said you'd always be there but now you're grumpy at me every day. Was it something I said? or just my existence?

I want to tell you about my birthday, the ball, the uni open day, my day at work, my calculus test, my results for 3.1 when i get them back tomorrow.

Coz i thought that being best friends meant that you wanted to know. Just like i want to know how house sitting was.

And the reason i wanted to know if you'd got the mail was because it had $40 cash in it and if it got lost then it would be ME that would have to pay you another $40

Today is Saturday

Today I'm going to work

Tonight I'm babysitting some cute cousins

Tonight I'll be doing some homework

Today its sunny

Today is our day

Tonight I'll be sitting waiting for you to text me

Waiting for a thank you

and a hi, you looked gorgeous at the ball

and a, how was your birthday

But i dont know if i'll get it

Where the hell did my best friend go?

oi

i just sent you 40 bucks in the post.

it should have arrived this arvo

least you could do is text and say thanks