Hello again Blog

You say that you're here for me

but you always have to go

You say that you wanna hang out

but something always comes up

You say that you can't because you're so busy

but you find the time to hang with everyone else

You say that what I say wont change anything

but now i feel awkward

It's not my fault that I don't know what I want.

I wish I did.

I wish it was as easy for me as it was for you.

But this will change my whole life forever

I don't know if I'm ready to make that change yet.

It's not my fault I can only talk to you about it to a certain extent

I need to share this with her too.

I feel like such a hypocrite,

changing my mind like this

and I hate feeling like you think that of me too

Hey,

I'm sorry I didn't say Hi tonight. I wish that I had at least smiled at you - i feel really bad..
I saw you sitting up the front next to Mrs B, that made me smile :)
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow? Or one day next week - besides thursday
I'll have to let you know how my maths exam went :S
I think that its really helping.. but I'm not sure what else there is that i can say to you that isn't what i've already said.
Maybe if i write it down? I tend to think of things to say to you AFTER we have spoken and its most annoying.
Tonight was good - today was good really. The sunshine stayed all day and i wore a summery dress - that helped - i felt really good
I laughed tonight. I had a really good time. It was a bit sad sometimes, but it was good seeing Ms F. Thats when i saw you. I know you saw me but i didn't know how to react. -I'm sorry

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most.

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

Sadness flies away on the wings of time.

Hey Beautiful,

I want to write about you today. I want to write in my book of memories about you but I can't bring myself pick up a pen - and its currently 11:07pm so I don't wanna get the words wrong and not have those memories to read in 10 years time
I've been writing about your funeral, its been nice thinking about how beautiful it was. I'm up to writing about the cemetery now - its hard but i want to do it so that i'll never forget.
We miss you at rangers. We miss your emails that you would send us hurriedly on a sunday night reminding us that we had rangers the next day. We miss the photos with you, the laughs the hugs.
I know you've been visiting people, thats awesome :) Feel free to visit me sometime. I'd love to know that you're safe - all i got was a moth outside my window haha

Come to Rangers on monday and watch us make idiots of ourselves! Georgia is planning outdoor events so who knows whats gonna happen! We're also making our time capsule - i'll be sure to put something about you in it :)

I hope you watch the fireworks tomorrow - i'll be thinking of you. One month tomorrow :/ We've had two nights at rangers without you Rach. Sorry we didnt sing taps at the cemetery - it would've been hard enough to get through it even if we had known the words! I'll never forget the last times we were all together - Gangshow 2010 and then that last goodbye at the cemetery :'(

Me and Maddi are coming to visit you on Sunday :) I'll be sure to bring tissues - and dont worry Rach, i'm looking out for her - she will be ok

Love you loads

PS i might have to buy some new tissues by then!

“On a day of burial there is no perspective -- for space itself is annihilated. Your dead friend is still a fragmentary being. The day you bury him is a day of chores and crowds, of hands false or true to be shaken, of the immediate cares of mourning. The dead friend will not really die until tomorrow, when silence is round you again. Then he will show himself complete, as he was -- to tear himself away, as he was, from the substantial you. Only then will you cry out because of him who is leaving and whom you cannot detain.”

“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”

“Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.”

Remember me when I am gone away.
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand.
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
~ Christina Rossetti

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~Moliere

"Photographs are precious memories . . . the visual evidence of place and time and relationships . . . ritual talismans for the treasure chest of the heart." ~ Robert Fulghum, in From Beginning to End

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~ Thomas Campbell

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." ~ Eskimo Legend

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~ Rossiter W. Raymond

"If I am to wear this mourning cloak, let it be made of the fabric of love, woven by the fine thread of memory." ~ Molly Fumia, in Safe Passage, Conari Press

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

For you Rach,

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Author Unknown


Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~Author Unknown


Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever



If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi


I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

I may have acted like it didn't bother me, but really I think about it all the time.

Why hello there Blog. Its been a while but I think that now is the right time to be on here.

I just wanted to say a few things but since I can't actually focus on anything except stopping the tears going into my nose...

Rachel, you were beautiful. Your smile, your laugh, your awesome ideas. That day you made us go pick up rubbish was so funny. None of us wanted to go out in the dark to pick up rubbish but you had made up your mind. We all had the best time chasing each other around in the dark, sneaking up on each other and trying to navigate our way around a school which half of us had never been to. We had sooo many bags!

I know that you will never have the big 18th that we all will, or the 21st. You won't meet the guy of your dreams, or suffer heatbreak with the rest of us. You won't fall in love with the guy who is also your best friend. You won't get married or have kids. You wont have to worry about your little girl having her heart broken or your cute little boy being beaten up by girls.
But wherever you are now Rach, you must be happy. The pain that you were in is gone now. And every single one of us are gonna make damn sure that you can see that we miss you Rach, but we're still partying - for you.

I'm gonna come up and visit you again soon but in the mean time - Rest in Peace, Beautiful