Hey Beautiful,
I want to write about you today. I want to write in my book of memories about you but I can't bring myself pick up a pen - and its currently 11:07pm so I don't wanna get the words wrong and not have those memories to read in 10 years time
I've been writing about your funeral, its been nice thinking about how beautiful it was. I'm up to writing about the cemetery now - its hard but i want to do it so that i'll never forget.
We miss you at rangers. We miss your emails that you would send us hurriedly on a sunday night reminding us that we had rangers the next day. We miss the photos with you, the laughs the hugs.
I know you've been visiting people, thats awesome :) Feel free to visit me sometime. I'd love to know that you're safe - all i got was a moth outside my window haha
Come to Rangers on monday and watch us make idiots of ourselves! Georgia is planning outdoor events so who knows whats gonna happen! We're also making our time capsule - i'll be sure to put something about you in it :)
I hope you watch the fireworks tomorrow - i'll be thinking of you. One month tomorrow :/ We've had two nights at rangers without you Rach. Sorry we didnt sing taps at the cemetery - it would've been hard enough to get through it even if we had known the words! I'll never forget the last times we were all together - Gangshow 2010 and then that last goodbye at the cemetery :'(
Me and Maddi are coming to visit you on Sunday :) I'll be sure to bring tissues - and dont worry Rach, i'm looking out for her - she will be ok
Love you loads
PS i might have to buy some new tissues by then!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
“On a day of burial there is no perspective -- for space itself is annihilated. Your dead friend is still a fragmentary being. The day you bury him is a day of chores and crowds, of hands false or true to be shaken, of the immediate cares of mourning. The dead friend will not really die until tomorrow, when silence is round you again. Then he will show himself complete, as he was -- to tear himself away, as he was, from the substantial you. Only then will you cry out because of him who is leaving and whom you cannot detain.”
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”
“Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.”
Remember me when I am gone away.
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand.
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
~ Christina Rossetti
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown
If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~Moliere
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”
“Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.”
Remember me when I am gone away.
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand.
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
~ Christina Rossetti
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown
If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~Moliere
"Photographs are precious memories . . . the visual evidence of place and time and relationships . . . ritual talismans for the treasure chest of the heart." ~ Robert Fulghum, in From Beginning to End
"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~ Thomas Campbell
"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." ~ Eskimo Legend
Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~ Rossiter W. Raymond
"If I am to wear this mourning cloak, let it be made of the fabric of love, woven by the fine thread of memory." ~ Molly Fumia, in Safe Passage, Conari Press
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.Tuesday, October 26, 2010
For you Rach,
Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Author Unknown
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~Author Unknown
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever
If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I may have acted like it didn't bother me, but really I think about it all the time.
Why hello there Blog. Its been a while but I think that now is the right time to be on here.
I just wanted to say a few things but since I can't actually focus on anything except stopping the tears going into my nose...
Rachel, you were beautiful. Your smile, your laugh, your awesome ideas. That day you made us go pick up rubbish was so funny. None of us wanted to go out in the dark to pick up rubbish but you had made up your mind. We all had the best time chasing each other around in the dark, sneaking up on each other and trying to navigate our way around a school which half of us had never been to. We had sooo many bags!
I know that you will never have the big 18th that we all will, or the 21st. You won't meet the guy of your dreams, or suffer heatbreak with the rest of us. You won't fall in love with the guy who is also your best friend. You won't get married or have kids. You wont have to worry about your little girl having her heart broken or your cute little boy being beaten up by girls.
But wherever you are now Rach, you must be happy. The pain that you were in is gone now. And every single one of us are gonna make damn sure that you can see that we miss you Rach, but we're still partying - for you.
I'm gonna come up and visit you again soon but in the mean time - Rest in Peace, Beautiful
I just wanted to say a few things but since I can't actually focus on anything except stopping the tears going into my nose...
Rachel, you were beautiful. Your smile, your laugh, your awesome ideas. That day you made us go pick up rubbish was so funny. None of us wanted to go out in the dark to pick up rubbish but you had made up your mind. We all had the best time chasing each other around in the dark, sneaking up on each other and trying to navigate our way around a school which half of us had never been to. We had sooo many bags!
I know that you will never have the big 18th that we all will, or the 21st. You won't meet the guy of your dreams, or suffer heatbreak with the rest of us. You won't fall in love with the guy who is also your best friend. You won't get married or have kids. You wont have to worry about your little girl having her heart broken or your cute little boy being beaten up by girls.
But wherever you are now Rach, you must be happy. The pain that you were in is gone now. And every single one of us are gonna make damn sure that you can see that we miss you Rach, but we're still partying - for you.
I'm gonna come up and visit you again soon but in the mean time - Rest in Peace, Beautiful
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Stress:The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.
There's so much i wanna write about but I don't really know where to start.
Maybe I'll start with school. Or Finland.
There's officially 35 days until i leave!
I have an insane amount of homework and school work to catch up on.
English: We're doing creative writing at the moment. It's alright but it could be better. We're studying Schindler's List while i'm away, so i'm kinda hoping there'll be some good notes on the net that i can use - otherwise i'm gonna be kinda stuffed.
Economics: We're doing inflation at the moment and I'm pretty sure I did quite well on my practice test the other day. I think we start Government Polices next term and I really have no idea about the work :S
Computing: We're doing programming at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult, especially as the rest of the class spend their spare time programming, so know it better than the back of their hand. Apparently we're meant to be up to page 150 by the end of this weekend from the e-book. I'm up to page 46. I'm also working on PC Systems which is the topic for when I'm away. I've been working from the book Mr Curry gave me and taking notes. It's easier than trying to do the programming.
Maths: Maths is pretty good at the moment. I got excellence for stats which was awesome. We've started probability and we have our test on simulation next week I think. I'm not really sure what we're doing while I'm away but I think it might be trig. Once i remember how to do it, it shouldn't be too bad.
Chemistry: I got excellence for the quantitative analysis test the other day. It was pretty easy but I'm glad I got the E. We've just started thermo chemistry which should be easy enough once i get the hang of it. I've been withdrawn from the assessment that we're doing while I'm away (a whole day practical investigation) which is good. Miss said I don't have to worry about catching up on the work and that if I'm in class when the others are doing their assessment, I can use the time to catch up on other subjects which is great :) - or sleep!
Biology: Well I got excellence for my osmosis investigation. First time around which was awesome. I'm so pleased about that. Miss Brown was really pleased too. We started our research project about humans and an aspect of biology this week. I chose in vitro fertilisation with intracytoplasmic sperm injection (lol) or IVF with ICSI. It's pretty cool. I've also been withdrawn from the test in biology - luckily it's only a unit standard. But i still need to catch up on that work too. So as well as researching ICSI, i'm teaching myself about reproduction in plants. So far ive done ferns and mosses and asexual reproduction but i still have to do gymnosperms, angiosperms and a whole lot of others.
I''m so amazingly happy that I got those excellence credits. I now officially have twice as many as I did at the end of last year. I also have 11 more excellence credits in my sciences this year than i got last year in science (i got none last year)
It's really hard though. I'm quite tempted to just sit and cry.
At lunch today I almost cried. I think if i had kept going on about what was stressing me out, i would have. I know its kinda mean, but there's a few people out there that i just want to see me cry. Like you, person a. I wish that you could see me cry, just because i don't think you ever have, and i think you probably deserve it. And person b, if i cried in front of you, i'd just want a hug. I think i'd just want you to tell me that it's gonna be ok.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooo 34 days to go now.
This weekend, i have to study chemisty, finish my biology work from today, think up something to write about for english, do some computing catch up work and do a whole pile of research for biology. I also have work on sunday. At least its only four hours.
Anyway, i better be off now. its 12.25am and Mum's gonna be home soon.
Ciao for now
Maybe I'll start with school. Or Finland.
There's officially 35 days until i leave!
I have an insane amount of homework and school work to catch up on.
English: We're doing creative writing at the moment. It's alright but it could be better. We're studying Schindler's List while i'm away, so i'm kinda hoping there'll be some good notes on the net that i can use - otherwise i'm gonna be kinda stuffed.
Economics: We're doing inflation at the moment and I'm pretty sure I did quite well on my practice test the other day. I think we start Government Polices next term and I really have no idea about the work :S
Computing: We're doing programming at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult, especially as the rest of the class spend their spare time programming, so know it better than the back of their hand. Apparently we're meant to be up to page 150 by the end of this weekend from the e-book. I'm up to page 46. I'm also working on PC Systems which is the topic for when I'm away. I've been working from the book Mr Curry gave me and taking notes. It's easier than trying to do the programming.
Maths: Maths is pretty good at the moment. I got excellence for stats which was awesome. We've started probability and we have our test on simulation next week I think. I'm not really sure what we're doing while I'm away but I think it might be trig. Once i remember how to do it, it shouldn't be too bad.
Chemistry: I got excellence for the quantitative analysis test the other day. It was pretty easy but I'm glad I got the E. We've just started thermo chemistry which should be easy enough once i get the hang of it. I've been withdrawn from the assessment that we're doing while I'm away (a whole day practical investigation) which is good. Miss said I don't have to worry about catching up on the work and that if I'm in class when the others are doing their assessment, I can use the time to catch up on other subjects which is great :) - or sleep!
Biology: Well I got excellence for my osmosis investigation. First time around which was awesome. I'm so pleased about that. Miss Brown was really pleased too. We started our research project about humans and an aspect of biology this week. I chose in vitro fertilisation with intracytoplasmic sperm injection (lol) or IVF with ICSI. It's pretty cool. I've also been withdrawn from the test in biology - luckily it's only a unit standard. But i still need to catch up on that work too. So as well as researching ICSI, i'm teaching myself about reproduction in plants. So far ive done ferns and mosses and asexual reproduction but i still have to do gymnosperms, angiosperms and a whole lot of others.
I''m so amazingly happy that I got those excellence credits. I now officially have twice as many as I did at the end of last year. I also have 11 more excellence credits in my sciences this year than i got last year in science (i got none last year)
It's really hard though. I'm quite tempted to just sit and cry.
At lunch today I almost cried. I think if i had kept going on about what was stressing me out, i would have. I know its kinda mean, but there's a few people out there that i just want to see me cry. Like you, person a. I wish that you could see me cry, just because i don't think you ever have, and i think you probably deserve it. And person b, if i cried in front of you, i'd just want a hug. I think i'd just want you to tell me that it's gonna be ok.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooo 34 days to go now.
This weekend, i have to study chemisty, finish my biology work from today, think up something to write about for english, do some computing catch up work and do a whole pile of research for biology. I also have work on sunday. At least its only four hours.
Anyway, i better be off now. its 12.25am and Mum's gonna be home soon.
Ciao for now
Sunday, June 13, 2010
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